My Abuse — No Excuses

My Abuse — No Excuses

Smooth and calculated, magicians they are
Sweet like honey suckle is their voice
They listen well as questions fly, they observe
Their memory is firm, it does not crumble
They are quiet and loving, they feed you well
They are masters at what they do…

Let excuses fly and a victim you will be
Find your backbone and standup
Fight for your Center and freedom you will have

Austin Wilde

I stumbled one night as my flesh ached for touch
He was ready and waiting in the dark light
My eyes could not hear, my ears could not see
His magic stardust numbed me silent
He scorched my flesh and awakened my false sight
I no longer touched the ground, I became lost in flight

The pity revved up and it controlled the day and night
I became deaf to all around me as my moments became his
My center tightened, it contained him and no longer me
In one move, his slight of hand took all my cards
Night after night he dulled my spirit with liquid sugar
He lived because of me, he made this known

Let excuses fly and a victim you will be
Find your backbone and standup
Fight for your Center and freedom you will have

Words at first, sharp and deep, quick and painful
Broken enamel, bent metal, ripped paint, splintered wood
He had a plan, it was glued within his being
Fists came next, mixed with words, mixed with blood
Jealousy raged, flowers bloomed, the cycles began
I lived in a cyclone, no release, no door, no will

My family felt my pain, they were cut off, they were a threat
Excuses rang out, too many times, close ones noticed
Work at risk, students feared, hate fell, darkness flew
Lines on my neck, the knives were sharp and dull
Iron, Plastic, Bones, Skin, Wood, all leave their mark
Threads in the arm, threads in the head, they are seen

Let excuses fly and a victim you will be
Find your backbone and standup
Fight for your Center and freedom you will have

I am now invisible, I cannot be seen, my smile is erased
Frozen in space, feet stuck on clouds, movement ceases
The rains come, heat increases, the leaves die and grow
Each cycle is dreaded, each cycle kills, each cycle brings gold
I open a door, it is slammed shut, nails come out, teeth are shown
My need for touch is killing my soul, the mind is blank

The little man is still alive, he screams now and then
He vanishes in the moon, he reappears in the sun
Energy stops, fears grab my breath, my heart is small
Dreams are taken away, I know only red, I see only red
Thoughts are in jeopardy, my words are tossed aside, he dances well
People see his cheer, they relish his laugh, they are blind

Let excuses fly and a victim you will be
Find your backbone and standup
Fight for your Center and freedom you will have

The apple feels the blade, I feel the blade touch my life
I have no emotion, I have no push, I cannot walk
My little man feels his wrath, my little man wakes me up
Time to fight, time to think, time to wonder again
Mountains are needed, and a new high lands upon me
The move is made, fresh fruit is taken, not to last, it starts again

The pain is turned on high, I can’t be broken
White candy he breathes, it feeds his jealousy
I push and push, he feels me slipping, he hears me leaving
He sees a fall is close at hand, one last fist he gives
Steel bars hold me back, the blue ones have saved me
The little man has helped his master, he sleeps on 4 wheels

Let excuses fly and a victim you will be
Find your backbone and standup
Fight for your Center and freedom you will have

He thinks of being sick, it fails for him, as he is lost
Rope is the choice he takes, darkness prevails, lost forever
His anguish will continue when he is alive again
His final act of control is winning over, his grip is firm
Three pillows take over my life, 1,095 times they receive me
Bones ache, tears cause pain, the light hurts

I meet many, they do not fill the void, they leave me empty
Stripes awake me in the sun, the dream now teaches
Energy flows, energy connects, energy is, I talk
Old is new, lines are fading but still exist, friends are dear
Family is reborn, death of my seed now grows inside and I listen
I will err, I will live, I will smile, I will cry, I am

Let excuses fly and a victim you will be
Find your backbone and standup
Fight for your Center and freedom you will have

Sun glows on a young one, he reaches out, he knows what he wants
Let me touch you Drew, let me inside, let me unleash
The young one cast my doubts aside, he releases my control
The young one does not want my Center, he wants my side
The young one has given me my key, he has unlocked with grace
The flood is large, the passion blooms, the laugh is back

My eyes now hear, my ears now see, my feet now touch
I awoke through one, many do not, I awoke with lips, some do not
My Center is now filled, it contains me, my soul is here
I fear no more, I have learned, I shake no more, I have learned
The scars will always be, I can move on, I am always healing
Life will go on without me, I want to choose again

Let excuses fly and a victim you will be
Find your backbone and standup
Fight for your Center and freedom you will have

A strong back I am building, it will carry a heavy load
Blood has dripped for me, I will not look past this gift
The men with no faces will always be, I will move with the wind
Stay awake I will, there will be time for sleep
The young one shared his golden ticket, it’s all he wanted
The young one lit the flame, I have found my way, I am not lost

My abuse was mine, I own it, no excuses, I let it happen
Abusers don’t care about you, if they did they would not hit
I made my choices and I chose to let my flesh rule my life
I paid the price, I was lucky, I was able to get out in time
It was a tough and long lesson, I use my pain to move forward
I had put up a bubble to protect me, but it keeps the good out
I was not living, I was letting the abuser still control
Then one day I met a young soul, he wanted in, I had to take the risk
Or I was going to be alone, truly alone the rest of my life
I popped that bubble surrounding me, it was my false protection

Let excuses fly and a victim you will be
Find your backbone and standup
Fight for your Center and freedom you will have

Phew, now I live …  Drew Frederic

1 thought on “My Abuse — No Excuses

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this:
search previous next tag category expand menu location phone mail time cart zoom edit close